Bujana's hymn

Yesterday Bujana made up a hymn in the back of the car as we were going to Kath's house.

"Thank you God for the lovley flowers,
Thankyou God for the wondefful trees,
Thankyou God for playtimes together,
Thankyou God for everything,"

This went on for nearly the whole journey. When I told her how beautiful it was to hear her singing so nicely for God her little pink cheeks glowed and her beautiful brown eyes shone into a wonderful smile.

I love her so...

EMMY'S hORSE

"i HAVE A HORSE CALLED gILDA YOU KNOW"

Said Emmy this morning sidling,,,mmmm sorry cantering up the garden path on her scooter.

It's so lovely to have a 10 year old girl so full of imagination.

She is my little Beatrix Potter, she really is :0)

A girl on my myspace posted this in a bulletin.

You want the big things, the radical things.
You want to touch my face and jump for joy.
These things they move my heart,
but will you sit with me in the quiet?
Will you talk to me in the stillness and behindclosed doors?
This is where your maturity begins,
this is where the romance starts.

Here... alone with my heart.
Dive into my word and let me teach you things.
I love to give you understanding and knowledge.
I love to take you deeper,
but my daughter,
you must be patient.
You must trust that i will lead you through and hold you hand.
Your love deeply satisfies my heart but I want more,
I want all of you.
I want everything!
So be patient my beloved,
sit with me in the quiet place and search me out.
I will give you riches upon riches.
FOR YOU ARE WHO I DESIRE!
I've chosen you and I love you!
Don't be afraid,
don't run away.

I am GOD,

the King of all Kings and i have authority over all.
Your mindcannot understand this love that never dies,
but trust me,
talk to me,
dancefor me, sing with me and i will raise you up.
I know your heart,
I hear your thoughts and I care more than ANYONE

In this quiet place it's all about you and it's all about me.
I love you,
do you understand how much you move my heart??!!

I AM IN AWE OF YOU!!!

Chase after me,
get lost in my love...for this is what you were made for,

to dwell in my presence all the days of your life.

little things

It's amazing how the little things seem to create the strongest connections.

And the smallest gestures echo the longest in our hearts.

walking in the night...

Sometimes I've feel disorientated.

Sometimes, I feel completly overwhelmed and unable to take another step.

Sometimes I've feel alone, and paralysed. My body heavy as clay in the still air.

At these times I am forced to be at rest. I am forced to wait. Forced to recognise my frailty and weakness. Forced to listen to the smallest whispers of my soul.

Sometimes, it feels that we are left with only a candle of faith kept alight by the breath of hope to guide us.

Walking in the depth of a valley from which we can see nothing beyond the height of the mountains surrounding us. And in this place God meets us as we are. His lost children. Naked and shivering as winter trees in a storm.

"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil: For thou art with me;

Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me."

I am often comforted by this extract from St. Therese of Lisieux in her book "Story of a Soul"

"The very fact that, left to myself, I could do nothing, made my task seem all the more simple; there was only one thing for me to do, unite myself more and more to God, knowing that He would give all the rest in addition.

This was no vain hope; no matter how often I have to feed the souls of my Sister, my hand is always full.
I assure you that had I acted in any other way, had I relied upon my own resources, I should have had to lay down my arms at once."

As our steps quicken through this valley we are forced to through off all that encumbers. Our fears, our ideas, our attachments to things.

We are forced to walk a straight and narrow road because we are walking in the darkness. Just as we are at pains to take care not to stumble in the middle of the night.
I'm holding on, clinging on to Jesus's hand. To the strands of love and peace and joy that fray from the hem of his robes.

Jesus is the light of the world and the holy spirit came upon the apostles only once He had assended. It seemed to them that he had gone, but he was there more than ever before.
He was inside them.

On Being a Mother

As I tuck four girls into bed tonight I cannot help but smile.
Ten years can make all the difference in the world.
I was alone ten years ago, or so it seemed. I wasn't of course, Jesus was there beside me guiding me so very gently I could hardly feel his touch. Healing, encouraging, protecting, bringing me home. Then my first little girl Emmy was born and life began to change.
Now, I am anything but alone .
My days are filled to the brim with little voices, outstretched arms, eyes bright and new to life.
Little new eyes that make me see things anew through their wide open gaze out into the blue, blue sky. Or the gleaming green grass.
Little bugs on hands, that amaze and delight, licking the bowl clean after baking cakes, crunching leaves under our feet, running after twinkles to make wishes with.
I never thought I would be this unselfconcious, this strong, this captivated by a beautiful vision, of a place I want my children to always remeber. A memory box of happy childhood moments, filled with love and joy and truth.

It has brought me to the edges of myself and beyond this loving another more than your own life thing. Having a child in your arms, staring into your face with absolute love and trust.

The more I give my own understanding up, to follow the path God has set for me, the more he seems to draw me beyond my limits. I feel completly fragile aware of how lost, weak and fallible I am alone.
Yet...
"Thou hast enlarged my steps under me, that my feet did not slip."Psalm 18: 28-30, 32, 36
For every step he has led me he has given me a little more for the undertaking.


I am so overwhelmed and thankful for this life He has given to me. These's lives He has entrusted to my care. He knew exactly what I needed. He knew how to draw me out of myself. This family is so precious to me it's the foundations of my world. My heart, every breath. They are everything to me.


I love them so much.


I ache when I am away from them.


I take so much joy in each smile, each time I am able to comfort and hold them close. Each little thing they say fills my heart with joy I can't express.


Motherhood, though maybe seen as a small vocation; has brought me so far.


It overwhelms and humbles me to a capacity I had never known before.


Pure and limitless. Beyond the frailty of myself.


I thank God every day for these gifts. I pray to be worthy of them.

Taking Root

"And Jesus said unto him, Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests; but the Son of man hath not where to lay his head."

Did Jesus mean this in a physical sense only?

Jesus had no permanant dwelling place, this much is known.

Yet did Jesus also mean he had no mental, emotional or spiritual resting place in this world?

Sometimes it feels as if God is sifting our souls into a fine tilled soil in which the seed of his word may grow fruitfully.

A highly defined sense of our own identity can in someways prevent this constant tilling over of our human nature.

We may highly esteem certain aspects of our character, become to attached to certain ideas about who we want to be and what we want to do.

Sometimes it seems as if God is actually tring to undercut us just as we make headway. Yet maybe this is for our own spiritual good.

In this state we seem to have no place to set a while and take root in the soil of the materiel world. We have to become "passerby" in every sense of the word even to our own selves so that our souls may take root in the kingdom of heaven first.

Have you ever heard the saying " It's not the destination but the journey that matters"

What if the destination is the journey itself.

Wake up Dreaming...

The dream,

*

*

*

Awakens me.

each moment, a gift.

Every moment has within it the possibilty of completness in God. Every moment is a gift.

How can I best respond to the gift of this moment from God?

How can I return the gift he has given me intact.

Pass it along to others?

I don't own the moments of my life even if they are gifts in themselves.

Everything that is true cannot be possessed only impressed with the colour and shape of individual dreams and prayers, joys and pain, intentions, and love.

How do I imprint upon each moment of my life?

Do I bury the moments given to me in disatisfactions and arguments?

Do I see the sacredness of each breath?

The sacredness of each moment beyond the noise and distraction of now!

Each moment is drawn from the wellspring of eternity.

But do I always cup my hands to drink?

The Thousand Gifts

The Passion of Our Lord Jesus Christ

This blog will be "unplugged" for lent.

" Lord that I may see!"

Give me light to see you in my even - Christian,
and to see my even - Christian in you.
Give me faith to recognise you
in those under my own roof.
In those who are with me day after day,
on the way of the cross.
Let me recognise you
not only in saints and martyrs,
in the innocence of children,
in the patience of old people
waiting quietly for death.
In the splendour of those
who die for fellow men;
but let me also disern your beauty
through the ugliness of suffering and sin
that you have taken upon yourself.
Let me know you in the outcast,
the humiliated, the ridiculed, the shamed.
In the sinner who weeps for his sins.
Give me the courage
to look at your holy face,
almost obliterated, bruised and lacerated
by my own guilt, and to see myself!

Look back at me , Lord,
through your tears,
with my own eyes,
and let me see you,
Jesus, condemed to death,
in myself,
and in all men
who are condemed to die.

Not with my will
but with yours,
knowing that you
have changed sorrow to joy,
and that you have changed
death to life.

"The Stations of the Cross"
Caryll Houselander.

"Tiwee Gowm"

My little one year old is standing on the bed behind me making faces at the mirror!

Everytime I turn around to catch her she dives her head under the pillow and says

"Tiwee Gowm"

Her name is "Tilly" (Matilda) and she's "gone"

So now I'm laughing and she has an audience!

It's...

"peeeeekaboo Mammay"

Inspiring words for Mothers

I'm linking here to, two posts that,if you are a Mum, are a real must read.

The first is a really special post...
This is for every woman who ever chose a child over other options.
A poem called I chose you… From Holly @ Seeking Faithfulness
Is simply beautiful.

The second link is for an article by Ann Voscamp @ Holy Experience who also writes for CWO magazine. Click on the link below to read the article.

Click to read the rest of this post over at February's Christian Women Online

And seeing the multitudes, he went up into a mountain: and when he was set, his disciples came unto him: 2 And he opened his mouth, and taught them, saying,
The Beatitudes

3 Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

4 Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.

5 Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.

6 Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.

7 Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.

8 Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.

9 Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.

10 Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

11 Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.

12 Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you.

Matthew 6 >>

Living the Beatitudes.

Growing through the Beatitudes: Seeking True Humility.

Golden Apples

Money will not corrupt a saint.

Because a saint won't want any money.

PRAYER

Prayer is LOVE
Prayer is a song of faith. Even when the music is silence.

Prayer IS HUMILITY

Prayer is abandonment

Prayer is inner solitude

Prayer is searching for and FINDING wonder

PRAYER IS THANKFULLNESS

Prayer is listening Prayer speaks through GOD'S word prayer is gentleness

Prayer is Giving.

Prayer is GRACE

Prayer is silence PRAYER is Acceptance

Prayer is a light in the greatest darkness

PRAYER IS KNOWING without seeing.

prayer is HOPE in the greatest despair

PRAYER IS FREEDOM in the truest terms.

Prayer is Peace

PRAYER IS LOVE

Thankyou to all those who offered kind words, thoughts and prayers over the last couple of days.

We ALL seem actually to be healthly at the same one time today!!!

Woohoo!

Thanks for putting up with the moan anyway.

The one bad side to this?

No more unlimited Mummy computer time :0(

lol ;0)

tHINGS WE HAVe BEEN UP tO :0)

My daughter made these sacrifice beads over Christmas. She made a few and gave some away as presents. These are the ones she kept for herself though.

They are fun and easy to make.

The idea for them comes from Saint Therese "The little Flower"

In her book, Story of a Soul her mother talks of the decade of beads Therese used to count her little sacrifices on.

Download Book

"But it is more amusing still to see Thérèse put her hand in her pocket, time after time, to pull a bead along the string, whenever she makes a little sacrifice."

Click on the link below for instructions and kits.

http://thelittleways.com/how-to-make-sacrifice-beads/

Randomness, Illness and How the important stuff is brought into full relief....

Another wave of viruses of some or other description has invaded this house!!! I feel like I should be painting some kind of warning sign outside the door and leaving a bucket of disinfectant at the gate as some sort of public service. We have just been inundated with one bug after another this winter:0(

Surely, Surely this means we must be immune till Midsummer. At least! Two healthy weeks would do at this point actually lol!

All this reminds me of my last pregnancy. I was really sick at some points during it. I suffered from severe hypothyroidism, chronic anemia and back pain, ( Seraphina was posterior and 10lbs at birth). I was completely out of action by the end of nine months. Sick, tired, and feeling like nothing but a burden. At 8 months I blacked out at the top of the stairs, my 13 month old
( Praise God) still in my arms as I somehow found the handrail and hauled myself across the stair gate.

Obviously I'm not anywhere near that sick at the moment but I still need a little moan :)

As a Mum especially a Mum to lot's of little ones, so much of energy goes into running everything and trying to keep cohesion and some semblance of order. It can be overwhelming.

And having to let go of everything because you're sick can often be even more trying.

Every little whine and cry distorts into an echoing ring of failure. Every little biscuit crumb on the floor as a sign that the whole fabric of life itself is falling apart!

Being sick certainly does two things that's for sure. One, it highlights all the areas of life I think I am in control of. The ones that keep me feeling good about myself, that make me feel as if I am fulfilling my role in life properly. From cleaning, to cooking, all the mummy stuff, general placating, administrating, organising and refereeing and Two, it absolutely forces me to let go of each and every one. I am not what I do anymore, I am simply left with what I am.
It seems so much easier to do than to be sometimes. Doing tends to cover up the imperfections within me a little, at least to my conscious mind. But here I am faced with an un-embellished reflection of who I am, outside of role and routine. I may not be able to make dinner but can I be absolutely patient and loving to my irritable child?
Essentially, I have to ask myself, can I show love in who I am rather than in what I do.

Life suddenly becomes very streamlined!

Prioritising is never so starkly necessary than when you are sick and many little people are relying on you.

Only those things that are essential, bar none, to physical survival and sanity become important.

Everything else...ends up... well ... in the laundry basket!

(i.e, in need of a good wash, iron out and tidy away.)

So here I am feeling a bit yuck!

My husband, bless him took the afternoon off. So I'm recuperating.

The dishes are overflowing, the house smells of baked beans and wet wipes.

The children had cereals for lunch.

And Yes.. the laundry basket is overflowing!

But the things that really matter are present and intact. The only things we really have any control over at the end of the day anyhow.

Because all the rest is building blocks. The tangible expressions of the love we have for each other. Without that love all things become nothing but nicely arranged debris. Meaningless and empty.

So sometimes I am forced to be still. Realise that control isn't as important as intention.

Forced to be silent when I want to speak out.

" No don't do it like that, I always do it this way"

And just accept.

Hang on to the essentials.

And in a funny way all this brings the essential stuff into full relief. It highlights what's really important to our family life in bold letters. And before long the facade of chaos blurs into the background.

The pots and pans clatter, but somebody is making soup for me. Glitter speckles the kitchen floor but it's the picture for Mummy my daughter proudly holds that I see.

Nothing that is glued together with all that good and important stuff, love, prayer, faith, joy, kindness, compassion, and togetherness ever really falls apart under trial. It only gets stronger.