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AWAKENED

Awaken

Help us, oh Lord, to be Your servants,

Your vessels of love across this earth.

***sPARKLE gIRL***

Boo was being suspiciously quiet upstairs this morning. When I checked to see what she was doing I found her covered in glitter ( from Emmy's pretend play make-up bag)

What has happened to you? I asked.

"I turned into Sparkle Girl" She replied.

A pRAYER fROM sOMEONE sPECIAL

Dear Lord,

I thank you for this day.

I thank You for my being able to see and to hear this morning.

I'm blessed because You are a forgiving God and an understanding God.

You have done so much for me and You keep on blessing me.

Forgive me this day for everything I have done, said or thought that was not pleasing to you.

I ask now for Your forgiveness.

Please keep me safe from all danger and harm.

Help me to start this day with a new attitude and plenty of gratitude.

Let me make the best of each and every day to clear my mind so that I can hear from You.

Let me not whine and whimper over things I have no control over.

Let me continue to see sin through God's eyes and acknowledge it as evil.

And when I sin, let me repent, and confess with my mouth my wrongdoing, and receive the forgiveness of God.

And when this world closes in on me, let me remember Jesus' example -- to slip away and find a quiet place to pray.

It's the best response when I'm pushed beyond my limits.

I know t hat when I can't pray, You listen to my heart.

Continue to use me to do Your will.

Continue to bless me that I may be a blessing to others.

Keep me strong that I may help the weak.

Keep me uplifted that I may have words of encouragement for others.

I pray for those who are lost and can't find their way.

I pray for those who are misjudged and misunderstood.

I pray for those who don't know You intimately.

I pray for those who don't believe.

But I thank you that I believe.

I believe that God changes people and God changes things.

I pray for all my sisters and brothers.

For each and every family member in their households.

I pray for peace, love, and joy in their homes, that they are out of debt and all their needs are met.

I pray that every eye that reads this knows there is no problem, circumstance, or situation greater than God.

Every battle is in Your hands for You to fight I pray that these words be received into the hearts of every eye that sees them and every mouth that confesses them willingly..

This is my prayer.

In Jesus' Name,

Amen.

fOR HIS gLORY

"See things as they affect God and not as they affect you. Is what happens for God’s glory or your own? If you follow God's way, then all will be for God’s glory."

Si Fractus Fortis

The Will to Love

One of the points made by Fr. Schryvers in The Gift of Oneself is that our will is always about love.

"The life of the will, its need, its irresistible tendency, is to love. If the love is regulated, the whole will is good, the entire man is good. If the love is not regulated, the whole will is perverse, the entire man is bad.This is what Fr. Schryvers in the extract above calls a “perverse” will."

If my answer is “because I love God”, then my will is going to be a holy will.

From Si Fractus Forte

Peanut

Peanut loves to play peekaboo with a difference.
The difference is that she plays peekaboo throught the dolls house windows!!!
When she peeks through the windows on one side I peek through the windows on the other. heehee!
She loves this game so much and so do I.
She's a pickle!

By the way, today Peanut took two unaided steps!!!

She has been standing up, wobbling then falling down on her little behind for weeks now!
The cute thing about it is that when she falls down she claps and cheers herself for just, well, being so clever I suppose. heehee!

My Emmy

Emmy just turned 10!

I can't believe it!

It feels like yesterday that I was looking into my beautiful little girl's milky blue newborn eyes in the morning light of a beautiful Spring morning.

March 1st is the first day of Spring, and it was certainly the begining of a new life for me, that wonderful Sunny, Sunday morning at 8: 28 exactly.

As I came out of the labour ward into the bright light of the corridors I heard the soft gentle music of a song that will always and forever remind me of my little (big) baby girl.

"Here comes the sun little darlin"

Here comes the sun... and I say, it's alright, it's alright.

Emmanule Jade you are... my lil' sunbeam I whispered to myself.

The first thing I noticed about my little baby girl were her incredibly long eyelashes. She had big gentle eyes like those of a baby calf.

Something that made me smile was that for a week after she was born a little tuft of hair stood on end upon the top of her head. However well we shampooed it, it always dried into the same style!

Her little legs remained curled up into the shape of a frog, just as they had been in my belly for at least a month and her mouth was small and soft as a rosebud!

My little Emmy jade grew into such a jolly little girl. She would talk to anyone. When we were at holiday in Norfolk when she was 3 she stopped beside an elderly couple sitting on an old bench and began talking to them about the seagulls on the sands, her little pair of binoculars swinging happily around her neck.

Old people have always liked her quaint old fashioned ways. She always gets on with them!

Emmy loved to play pretend and often curled up in a blanket telling me quite earnestly that it was her nest and she was a baby bird just about to crack out of her egg!

She has always had the most wonderful imagination,. Oh how I would love to get lost for an hour in that little girls thoughts.

What an adventure I would have!

Her cheeks have always been rosy and round and the first nick name that came into my head for her was "cherry pie" This very shortly was shortened to just "Pie" however.

My sweet Pie.

Until she was 5 she had the softest baby hair on her temples that would only grow to around an inch long. I used to call them her " fuzzies" I would kiss them as I held her close to read a story or chat and she would say. " Are you snuggling my fuzzies Mummy?" heehee!

As she has grown the sun has begun to tan and dapple her cheeks with freckles and her green eyes are turning with the Autumn leaves to a lovely golden hazel.

Sometimes she reminds me of a bambi deer:0) Her golden brown locks and cinnamon dusted cheeks:0)

As she has grown I can only marvel at her.

Whatever she does, she puts her whole heart and soul into.

She has such an innocent, joyful, fun nature.

She is so very special.

Whoever she meets takes a little piece of sunshine away with them.

When Emmanuelle was born I new that God was with me. Even though he never left me, it was she who helped me to realise his love.

Because...

She brought a little piece of heaven down to earth in her small baby hands.

And she gave me the gift of life with her birth.

I love her so:)

Bujana's hymn

Yesterday Bujana made up a hymn in the back of the car as we were going to Kath's house.

"Thank you God for the lovley flowers,
Thankyou God for the wondefful trees,
Thankyou God for playtimes together,
Thankyou God for everything,"

This went on for nearly the whole journey. When I told her how beautiful it was to hear her singing so nicely for God her little pink cheeks glowed and her beautiful brown eyes shone into a wonderful smile.

I love her so...

EMMY'S hORSE

"i HAVE A HORSE CALLED gILDA YOU KNOW"

Said Emmy this morning sidling,,,mmmm sorry cantering up the garden path on her scooter.

It's so lovely to have a 10 year old girl so full of imagination.

She is my little Beatrix Potter, she really is :0)

A girl on my myspace posted this in a bulletin.

You want the big things, the radical things.
You want to touch my face and jump for joy.
These things they move my heart,
but will you sit with me in the quiet?
Will you talk to me in the stillness and behindclosed doors?
This is where your maturity begins,
this is where the romance starts.

Here... alone with my heart.
Dive into my word and let me teach you things.
I love to give you understanding and knowledge.
I love to take you deeper,
but my daughter,
you must be patient.
You must trust that i will lead you through and hold you hand.
Your love deeply satisfies my heart but I want more,
I want all of you.
I want everything!
So be patient my beloved,
sit with me in the quiet place and search me out.
I will give you riches upon riches.
FOR YOU ARE WHO I DESIRE!
I've chosen you and I love you!
Don't be afraid,
don't run away.

I am GOD,

the King of all Kings and i have authority over all.
Your mindcannot understand this love that never dies,
but trust me,
talk to me,
dancefor me, sing with me and i will raise you up.
I know your heart,
I hear your thoughts and I care more than ANYONE

In this quiet place it's all about you and it's all about me.
I love you,
do you understand how much you move my heart??!!

I AM IN AWE OF YOU!!!

Chase after me,
get lost in my love...for this is what you were made for,

to dwell in my presence all the days of your life.

little things

It's amazing how the little things seem to create the strongest connections.

And the smallest gestures echo the longest in our hearts.

walking in the night...

Sometimes I've feel disorientated.

Sometimes, I feel completly overwhelmed and unable to take another step.

Sometimes I've feel alone, and paralysed. My body heavy as clay in the still air.

At these times I am forced to be at rest. I am forced to wait. Forced to recognise my frailty and weakness. Forced to listen to the smallest whispers of my soul.

Sometimes, it feels that we are left with only a candle of faith kept alight by the breath of hope to guide us.

Walking in the depth of a valley from which we can see nothing beyond the height of the mountains surrounding us. And in this place God meets us as we are. His lost children. Naked and shivering as winter trees in a storm.

"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil: For thou art with me;

Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me."

I am often comforted by this extract from St. Therese of Lisieux in her book "Story of a Soul"

"The very fact that, left to myself, I could do nothing, made my task seem all the more simple; there was only one thing for me to do, unite myself more and more to God, knowing that He would give all the rest in addition.

This was no vain hope; no matter how often I have to feed the souls of my Sister, my hand is always full.
I assure you that had I acted in any other way, had I relied upon my own resources, I should have had to lay down my arms at once."

As our steps quicken through this valley we are forced to through off all that encumbers. Our fears, our ideas, our attachments to things.

We are forced to walk a straight and narrow road because we are walking in the darkness. Just as we are at pains to take care not to stumble in the middle of the night.
I'm holding on, clinging on to Jesus's hand. To the strands of love and peace and joy that fray from the hem of his robes.

Jesus is the light of the world and the holy spirit came upon the apostles only once He had assended. It seemed to them that he had gone, but he was there more than ever before.
He was inside them.

On Being a Mother

As I tuck four girls into bed tonight I cannot help but smile.
Ten years can make all the difference in the world.
I was alone ten years ago, or so it seemed. I wasn't of course, Jesus was there beside me guiding me so very gently I could hardly feel his touch. Healing, encouraging, protecting, bringing me home. Then my first little girl Emmy was born and life began to change.
Now, I am anything but alone .
My days are filled to the brim with little voices, outstretched arms, eyes bright and new to life.
Little new eyes that make me see things anew through their wide open gaze out into the blue, blue sky. Or the gleaming green grass.
Little bugs on hands, that amaze and delight, licking the bowl clean after baking cakes, crunching leaves under our feet, running after twinkles to make wishes with.
I never thought I would be this unselfconcious, this strong, this captivated by a beautiful vision, of a place I want my children to always remeber. A memory box of happy childhood moments, filled with love and joy and truth.

It has brought me to the edges of myself and beyond this loving another more than your own life thing. Having a child in your arms, staring into your face with absolute love and trust.

The more I give my own understanding up, to follow the path God has set for me, the more he seems to draw me beyond my limits. I feel completly fragile aware of how lost, weak and fallible I am alone.
Yet...
"Thou hast enlarged my steps under me, that my feet did not slip."Psalm 18: 28-30, 32, 36
For every step he has led me he has given me a little more for the undertaking.


I am so overwhelmed and thankful for this life He has given to me. These's lives He has entrusted to my care. He knew exactly what I needed. He knew how to draw me out of myself. This family is so precious to me it's the foundations of my world. My heart, every breath. They are everything to me.


I love them so much.


I ache when I am away from them.


I take so much joy in each smile, each time I am able to comfort and hold them close. Each little thing they say fills my heart with joy I can't express.


Motherhood, though maybe seen as a small vocation; has brought me so far.


It overwhelms and humbles me to a capacity I had never known before.


Pure and limitless. Beyond the frailty of myself.


I thank God every day for these gifts. I pray to be worthy of them.

Taking Root

"And Jesus said unto him, Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests; but the Son of man hath not where to lay his head."

Did Jesus mean this in a physical sense only?

Jesus had no permanant dwelling place, this much is known.

Yet did Jesus also mean he had no mental, emotional or spiritual resting place in this world?

Sometimes it feels as if God is sifting our souls into a fine tilled soil in which the seed of his word may grow fruitfully.

A highly defined sense of our own identity can in someways prevent this constant tilling over of our human nature.

We may highly esteem certain aspects of our character, become to attached to certain ideas about who we want to be and what we want to do.

Sometimes it seems as if God is actually tring to undercut us just as we make headway. Yet maybe this is for our own spiritual good.

In this state we seem to have no place to set a while and take root in the soil of the materiel world. We have to become "passerby" in every sense of the word even to our own selves so that our souls may take root in the kingdom of heaven first.

Have you ever heard the saying " It's not the destination but the journey that matters"

What if the destination is the journey itself.

Wake up Dreaming...

The dream,

*

*

*

Awakens me.

each moment, a gift.

Every moment has within it the possibilty of completness in God. Every moment is a gift.

How can I best respond to the gift of this moment from God?

How can I return the gift he has given me intact.

Pass it along to others?

I don't own the moments of my life even if they are gifts in themselves.

Everything that is true cannot be possessed only impressed with the colour and shape of individual dreams and prayers, joys and pain, intentions, and love.

How do I imprint upon each moment of my life?

Do I bury the moments given to me in disatisfactions and arguments?

Do I see the sacredness of each breath?

The sacredness of each moment beyond the noise and distraction of now!

Each moment is drawn from the wellspring of eternity.

But do I always cup my hands to drink?

The Thousand Gifts