narrow

Sometimes I just long for the loving embrace of God. I feel homesick. The ache in my heart is more than words can express. It is like a deep pool beneath the cave of my chest.Over the last few years God has really humbled me and I know myself very clearly. Sometimes I feel like God is trying to console me but I find it hard to accept the consolation knowing how undeserving I am of it.
I feel that my path has narrowed considerably. Things that I would have been able to do or feelings I would have been able to indulge in, in the past now seem like a sin for me. And when I fail, my failing seems so much greater and my sorrow over it so much more pronounced. The more grace given by God, the more you are compelled out of love to live up to it. To abandon yourself to it till it feels almost as if you don't quite exsist.
And yet I feel my faults, my failings, the difference between who i am and who Jesus is so surely.
I trust that I am His child. And I feel a certain peace at knowing that I see myself in this very honest way even though it is not easy for my ego. It gives me peace to see the goodness of others above my own because I want to serve.
Jesus, give me the strength not to fail You.