Randomness, Illness and How the important stuff is brought into full relief....

Another wave of viruses of some or other description has invaded this house!!! I feel like I should be painting some kind of warning sign outside the door and leaving a bucket of disinfectant at the gate as some sort of public service. We have just been inundated with one bug after another this winter:0(

Surely, Surely this means we must be immune till Midsummer. At least! Two healthy weeks would do at this point actually lol!

All this reminds me of my last pregnancy. I was really sick at some points during it. I suffered from severe hypothyroidism, chronic anemia and back pain, ( Seraphina was posterior and 10lbs at birth). I was completely out of action by the end of nine months. Sick, tired, and feeling like nothing but a burden. At 8 months I blacked out at the top of the stairs, my 13 month old
( Praise God) still in my arms as I somehow found the handrail and hauled myself across the stair gate.

Obviously I'm not anywhere near that sick at the moment but I still need a little moan :)

As a Mum especially a Mum to lot's of little ones, so much of energy goes into running everything and trying to keep cohesion and some semblance of order. It can be overwhelming.

And having to let go of everything because you're sick can often be even more trying.

Every little whine and cry distorts into an echoing ring of failure. Every little biscuit crumb on the floor as a sign that the whole fabric of life itself is falling apart!

Being sick certainly does two things that's for sure. One, it highlights all the areas of life I think I am in control of. The ones that keep me feeling good about myself, that make me feel as if I am fulfilling my role in life properly. From cleaning, to cooking, all the mummy stuff, general placating, administrating, organising and refereeing and Two, it absolutely forces me to let go of each and every one. I am not what I do anymore, I am simply left with what I am.
It seems so much easier to do than to be sometimes. Doing tends to cover up the imperfections within me a little, at least to my conscious mind. But here I am faced with an un-embellished reflection of who I am, outside of role and routine. I may not be able to make dinner but can I be absolutely patient and loving to my irritable child?
Essentially, I have to ask myself, can I show love in who I am rather than in what I do.

Life suddenly becomes very streamlined!

Prioritising is never so starkly necessary than when you are sick and many little people are relying on you.

Only those things that are essential, bar none, to physical survival and sanity become important.

Everything else...ends up... well ... in the laundry basket!

(i.e, in need of a good wash, iron out and tidy away.)

So here I am feeling a bit yuck!

My husband, bless him took the afternoon off. So I'm recuperating.

The dishes are overflowing, the house smells of baked beans and wet wipes.

The children had cereals for lunch.

And Yes.. the laundry basket is overflowing!

But the things that really matter are present and intact. The only things we really have any control over at the end of the day anyhow.

Because all the rest is building blocks. The tangible expressions of the love we have for each other. Without that love all things become nothing but nicely arranged debris. Meaningless and empty.

So sometimes I am forced to be still. Realise that control isn't as important as intention.

Forced to be silent when I want to speak out.

" No don't do it like that, I always do it this way"

And just accept.

Hang on to the essentials.

And in a funny way all this brings the essential stuff into full relief. It highlights what's really important to our family life in bold letters. And before long the facade of chaos blurs into the background.

The pots and pans clatter, but somebody is making soup for me. Glitter speckles the kitchen floor but it's the picture for Mummy my daughter proudly holds that I see.

Nothing that is glued together with all that good and important stuff, love, prayer, faith, joy, kindness, compassion, and togetherness ever really falls apart under trial. It only gets stronger.