An Autumn Prayer

Hear I am.
Alone.
Stripped down.
Bare as the Winter trees, with no covering leaves.

I want to follow you.  You have always protected me, been my friend, guided my feet.
My feet itch to detour, explore, follow the stirrings of the crowd. Father, help me take your hand and follow your lead each day.

I want to turn over the hardened clay soil of my heart. I want it to be softened and life bearing.

I am afraid. I am afraid of what you ask of me. I know that your path is the only path of real life, yet it asks so much, it is so narrow. It asks that I let go and leave behind all but the barest essentials. It asks that I stop looking outward but start turning inward. It tells me that I will be misunderstood and sometimes feel isolated on my journey through this world.

"This world is a bridge, pass over it, but build no house upon it."

When I had less to lose it wasn't so hard to follow. It wasn't so hard to open my hands and let my grasp of the world go. Now I worry about so many things. The weeds of the world entangle me. I feel like I have to manage so much. We have this beautiful house now. I sometimes feel so afraid that I will lose these gifts that it hardens me. It makes me think about money and scarcity and it makes me want to hoard and turn a blind eye to those more needy than I. It was easy not to be materialistic when we had little. I can now see why it is so hard for the rich to enter into the kingdom. When you have a lot of things, distractions and material wealth it is hard to turn to God. God asks us to leave all our good gifts in His hands, just as Hannah left Samuel, the son she so longed for.

Help me to seek you every day. Help me to be brave and follow you regardless of what others think or say. Help me to be brave and leave all gifts in your hands. Help my heart to stay soft and my eyes open.

Help me Father, to walk the path you have prepared for me. Jesus, I trust in you.