seeing

Said the fox. " This is my secret. It's very simple: we only really see with our hearts. What matters is invisible to the eyes."

"What matters is invisable to the eyes," repeated the little prince, so as not to forget.

The little Prince

Antoine de Saint - Exupery.

This reminded me of a beautiful series of posts over at Holy Experience entitled

The Ugly-Beautiful

Sometimes, I perceive on the frayed edges of myself.

I see with my eyes. I judge, find fault, see ugliness instead of beauty, chaos instead of grace.

I forget to stop, and count, each blessing. I forget to Praise in the rain I forget to be .
Thankful

When we first moved to our new rented house, in "not such a great neighbourhood" as I thought at the time, all I could see was dissatisfaction. I cleaned and tidied like mad in a desperate attempt to paper over what I thought were external cracks but were in truth internal ones.

Our garden was filled with rubble and weeds yes, and our floor was nothing but bare unvarnished boards, (not funny when you have a crawling wiggling 10 month old!

But we had some angels on our side and a few hard working helpful hands in tow and before we could blink we had turned the concrete rubble into green grass and the gutted house into a home.

Yet, as soon as we had finished I started to write a list about which furniture we would " have to" replace first, ( all our furniture came from a recycling centre,)

Even though it looked fine in reality, Some itching doubt inside me knew it wasn't new and I was seeing with my bad short viewed, narrow visioned eyesight, instead of with a grateful heart.

Things were not "perfect" in my view.

It's so funny to me now looking back.

Because now I am sitting here 4 and a half years on with two more children and a lot more dust, toys, mess and "imperfections" to look at than I ever had before. Yet, strangely, overwhelmingly, I don't see ugliness any more, I don't see imperfection.

I see joy.

I see the expectation of a new day, a new chance to build a memory, a connection. Sow a seed in a little heart.

I see quarrels at times, yes, but I see growing, independent souls behind them instead of disruption and failure.

I see sand speckled like spray paint over the lawn, where the dandelions seem to have gone crazy multiplying and dividing this year! But I don't see untidiness, I see children having fun with a bucket and spade on a Summer afternoon. I see a memory made in the sand. a footprint that was bigger than last year!

I see a memory made in the heart not the eyes. In love not judgement.

I see books piled up on the children's bedroom floor yes, but I don't see a lack of discipline ( well not to much anyway! I see creativity and children who love to read willingly and gladly!

My vision has shifted.

From my eyes to my heart.

And as I sit here I think of how many blind people Jesus cured. And I know that every time I "see" truthfully. Every time I see the beautiful in the "ugly" and the grace instead of the "chaos" I know it is Jesus who is wiping my eyes with his own hand, with his own truth.

And tears come to my own eyes as I realise that though "I was blind, now I see."