A few rambling ponderings on Sin and Forgiveness,

One thing I love so much about the Bible is that God uses the most unlikely people to reveal himself to, to use, to draw close to and to work through. It could have been such an easier book to read with Perfect Disney like heroes and villains a God of perfect authority and predictability and a nice neat, comfortable ending. If it had been anything less than divine revelation it just might have been more like that.

King David was an adulterer and murderer. Moses too was a murderer and "slow of speech", Jacob (a name which actually means cheat in Hebrew) lived up to it by cheating his brother out of his father's promise, Saint Paul was a persecutor of Christians, Samson was prideful, Solomon was led astray and the disciples of Jesus ( before the resurrection) give the impression of very ordinary humanness.

Yet King David was a man after God's own heart, the law of the old covenant was revealed to Moses, Jacob's name was changed to Israel the nation through which that covenant would be made, Saint Paul was redeemed on the road to Damascus without any initial repentance on his behalf, God did not let Samson face humiliation, he "listened to Samson's prayer and granted his wish," King Solomon's words of wisdom make up two books of the old testament and Jesus's disciples were the mottled, slightly roughened ordinary looking rocks on which the church was founded.

When asked the question "Why did God Blind Saint Paul? " at Sunday school the other week Bujana put her hand up with the innocent, simple yet wonderful answer " So he could listen"
That's how God works in his Mercy and compassion for us. He blinds us temporarily so that we may listen. So that we may more acutely sense His ways and His words.

Yet sin also acts as a blinder to God.

As fallible and frail human beings we are agents of both perfection and imperfection, as Saint Paul says we are "Clay jars concealing a treasure"
Yet our imperfection is also used by God who's ways are not our ways. Imperfection draws God's mercy and love into the depths. Like the stake of the cross. Our sin drags down into the decay of the earth, the dust from which our "Clay jars" were formed.

Yet there is a purpose. We can reach down so that we may (through Jesus) raise up what is lost and low to the heavenly heights.
That it may be redeemed.

As in Jacob's vision of the angels ascending and descending ladders from earth and heaven. We also make ascents and descents on our journey in faith.

Often we find ourselves wrestling with God on the ground though. We fight against our natures, we spend time dwelling on our sin, we try to hide our nakedness. Instead of basking in God's love and compassion for us and trusting in his working no matter whether we are at the bottom or the top of that ladder or simply somewhere in between.

To be at the top is wonderful, we can see clearly a wide perspective, there is not such a great need for faith as we can see the results of it. Then we begin to feel strong and confident in the steps we have trod and pride begins to take hold. The Lord seems to cut the ropes beneath our feet as we descend once more. Yet he knows these ways better than us. This is how he works through us.

And right at the bottom of the ladder as it becomes harder to just trust, we can feel like we have failed, but this is where the work really begins. As Jonah prayed...
'I have been banished
from your sight;
yet I will look again
toward your holy temple.'

We are humbled by our sin so that we can never look down on another who sins. This is a blessing from God and should be treasured.

There is a lyric in a Smashing Pumpkins song called "Disarm"which goes....
"The killer in me is the killer in you, my love"
The sin in another whether a seed, a small shoot or a full fledged strangling weed is the same sin in us but at maybe a different stage of development.
With enough nurturing in darkness, the same seed in us could easily sprout into the fully grown weed that we hate in another.

Sometimes the Lord wants us to be shining like stars, a light on a hill, a reflection of His glory. Sometimes he wants us, I believe, to be fools for his sake. Vulnerable, not perfect Hollywood heroes with shining white smiles, but a little broken, confused, shamed, a reflection of His passion. Hung upon a cross of seeming contradictions.

Yet as with King David, what seems to matter most to God is not the "perfect sheen of superficial appearances, but a humble, trusting, gentle and loving heart. To trust in His goodness no matter where we are even if we are in the depths of sin. Which we all are at all times to some degree or another.

King David trusted in His God's mercy at all times. And more than anyone else of his time he gave God his heart, imperfect and troubled though it sometimes was.
And that is all is asked from us, I truly believe. Not a dwelling upon our sins. Dwelling upon sin has more to do with us than God. Penance without love has more to do with us than God too.
To enter the kingdom our hearts must be like a child's. What child doesn't rejoice when forgiven by a parent? Most children simply take forgiveness and unconditional love from their parents as a given. What child ever second guesses it's loving parent's forgiveness? What child ever continues to ask for more punishments for it's past behaviour? No a child skips away in carefree knowledge that all is blotted out. For the parent always knows the child's heart no matter what the outward behaviour may seem to be from one moment to the next. And it is this child's heart which the loving parent holds in view at all times. That is how our heavenly father sees us I believe. He sees the innocent heart that he first created in us.

"for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."