God Knows

My 10 year old has been studying for an exam called the 11 + which she will be taking on Saturday morning.

There are many different opinions about the 11+ some are for the exam some are totally against it but we thought we would put her up for it, mainly because she wanted us too and her opinion really counts for something to us. She is a wise and good natured soul and I still swear I've learnt more from that little girl than she'll ever be able to learn from me.

I had been planning on homeschooling all my girls once they reach high school age. It's just a conviction our family has, not saying it's for everybody but I feel God has lead our family this way.

We are really lucky with the primary school Emmy and Bujana attend. It's friendly, warm, welcoming and focuses just as much on forming friendships, kindness, tolerance and spiritual and emotional development as it does the academics. This was the clincher for me so far as sending my two eldest there. Emmy has really blossomed and made a few very dear and special friendships at this school. But I had been concerned that I wouldn't find a secondary school that would strike such a good balance.

Well, before the Summer holidays, Emmy went with her Dad to visit the local Grammar school and they both came home with such wonderful enthusiasm.

Emmy said she could imagine herself being really happy there as it focuses on Science which she loves and it has a wonderful design tech and art department which she also loves! This meant she was talking about it all through the holidays lol !

So I was persuaded. Emmy would go to that school if she past the 11 + .

More than anything I have always wanted Emmy to follow her heart and be happy.

Yesterday she took a mock 11+ test at school and failed it very badly.

So this means It looks like she won't be getting into this school.

For a moment, after I got the results of the mock test, I felt some awful feelings swell within. Feelings of worry, doubt, frustration.

Each one crowding my mind argumentatively. What do we do? Surely she couldn't have tried hard enough? But everyone expected her to pass easily! She'll be so disappointed! What about the opportunities she'll miss, the opportunities that I can't provide for her at home? What if I can't do a good enough job at home schooling? What if I fail her? I should have pushed her harder, made her practice and revise more!

Then I looked at her face, her beautiful, face, kind, sweet, desiring to please, gentle, smiling, free from care. My beautiful girl.

And I felt ashamed. I held her close.

And then, in that moment, before my eyes, my ten year old daughter grew to be a young lady in a sentence. At a crossroads that must seem like a big fork in the road to her ten year old feet, she simply looked me in the eyes and quietly said.

" God knows Mummy. God knows what's best for me, and I accept God's decision."

A way of life, of believing, of trusting that we have tried, her Daddy and I , to bring her up with.

A faith in a God "who knows" echoing back to her from someplace in her heart at the very moment she probably needed it most so far in her life.

Many of her good friends will be going to this school, I know it will be hard for her not to see them so much but.... And this is a big one.

So long we try our best that is what counts. God knows the best route for us. Sometimes it's not the one that looks logical, or the one that we want, but it will somehow be the right one.

God himself often takes what the world, or we ourselves, consider to be a failure and uses it for good better than every one of our successes.

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Sometimes I fear we( including me) (even in a Christian culture) tend to pursue education for its own sake rather than considering how it will enable us to better serve God.

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I don't regret the times I could have made Emmy practice and revise yet didn't because it would have carved into time that is precious for her and us as a family. If passing an exam means giving up huge chunks of all the things that really matter in our family. Making and preparing meals together, prayer and bible readings in the evening, having our "long meandering talks"

Making some art or writing, or baking, or sewing, growing veggies, practising the piano, helping the people in our neighbourhood, forging friendships and relationships (breath :0)

then, I guess, it's just not meant to be passed. At least not by one of my children :0)

The pressures on kids academically are enormous. A few decades ago you needed a couple of GCSE's to get your foot into a job you would like, now even a university degree has become devalued. Children are spending 7 hours at school and are given two hours of homework to do afterward which is so very much. I worry there isn't enough of a balance for them.

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If God wills it I will joyfully home school this beautiful young lady of mine next year.

I shall not fear, or worry or doubt the course. Just trust the Lord who steers this ship :0)

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My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest. (Exodus 33:14)

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It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed. (Deuteronomy 31:8)

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The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms. (Deuteronomy 33:27)

I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. (Psalm 16:8)

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You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance. (Psalm 32:7-8)

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I sought the Lord, and he answered me, and delivered me from all my fears. (Psalm 34:4)
Those who seek the Lord lack no good thing. (Psalm 34:10b)

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Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the Lord guards the city, the guard keeps watch in vain. It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives sleep to his beloved. (Psalm 127:1-2)

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Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

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Your father knows what you need before you ask him. So do not worry, saying 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Today's trouble is enough for today. (Matthew 6:8b, 31-34)

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Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. (Matthew 11: 28-31)

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Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten in God's sight. But even the hairs of your head are all counted. Do not be afraid; you are of more value than many sparrows. (Luke 12:6-7)

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Can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your span of life? If then you are not able to do so small a thing as that, why do you worry about the rest. (Luke 12:25-26)

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Do not be afraid, little flock, for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom. (Luke 12:32)

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Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. (John 14:27)

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Abide in me as I abide in you. Just as the branch cannot bear fruit by itself unless it abides in the vine, neither can you unless you abide in me. I am the vine, you are the branches. Those who abide in me and I in them bear much fruit, because apart from me you can do nothing. If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask for whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commandments and abide in his love. (John 15:4-5,7,10)

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And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28)